The Perfect Vase
by XxVaseDealerxX
Summary: All Kyle wanted was the perfect vase...


Kyle strolled down a barely paved road hoping to find someone very special. He was hoping it would be his best friend Stan or maybe Kenny but god please not Cartman. He looked around, wondering why no one was actively trying to be in his line of vision. Then he saw a very fat raccoon-like figure in the distance. He fought the urge to run or screech and quietly approached the smelly thing.

The horrid, wretched creature turned it's head and said. "oh hey kahl."

Kyle winced as he realized why he felt so slimy, it was the worst man he knew. "What are you doing in my line of vision, Fatass?" asked the reddish ginger jew boy.

The cart-boy chuckled and gave a look like what he was doing was super obvious. "I want you to see me sometimes," He retorted smoothly. Or at least he thought it was smooth but it was actually really lame. "I hear you have been window shopping a lot lately. Wanna explain yourself, jew?"

The jew boy was taken aback as he said "well…. You see….. I guess I've just been looking for….. the perfect vase."

Eric smirked. He knew what the answer was going to be and was super proud of himself. He had a hilarious prank to pull on the young supple uke. "Hmm.. that is very interesting, Kahl. It seems we both could get something from each other here."

Kyle was suspicious of the slimy boy's tricks, as he had been fooled before. "What do you want, fatass? Another blowjob?"

Eric laughed in a kind of evil but not really too evil way. "No, no, no, Kahl." The young boy was pretending to be strong but in actuality, his lips were extremely chapped. "I know what you always carry in your back pocket." He said menacingly.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "No, Cartman, I do not carry jew gold in my back pocket," he said grumpily.

"I'm not talking about your gold you dummy I'm talking about your Chapstick!" Eric was very whiny now and thought Kyle was being a baka.

Kyle's eyes got really big and shocked and kind of sparkly. "W-w-w-w-what? My Chapstick?" But…. It was one of his greatest possessions… and he didn't want whatever diseases Eric was carrying, either.

"Easy trade, jew. Your beloved Chapstick for my perfect vase. Almost too good to be true."

Kyle was torn. He NEEDED that vase. Did he need it as much as his Chapstick, though? It was a near impossible decision, but he finally sighed and said, "I guess…. I guess you can have my Chapstick, fatass."

Eric rejoiced and smiled a lot. "YES! I'VE DONE IT! I have taken the most precious thing in the world!" He proceeded to search behind him for where he put the vase.

Kyle thought this was a great overreaction, but he still retrieved his precious, melon-flavored Chapstick from his back pocket.

Eric now had a vase in one hand and the other held out to grab the chapstick. Just as he pulled the flavor stick into his meat hands he pulled the vase back in a dramatic motion.

At that very moment, a smelly piss smell entered the air and a wave of water (but was it really water?) came flying toward Kyle. OH NO! He was now covered in the thing he hated most…. URINE.

Cartman was now laughing so hard he almost literally had a heart attack and died, but he didn't. "Haha! Stupid jew can't smell piss from a few feet away!" He looked at the miserable boy and wanted to kiss him.

Then Kyle had an idea. He took off his piss shirt and threw it at Cartman, blinding him temporarily. He then retrieved his Chapstick from the giant meaty claws. Then, holding his breath, he grabbed the piss vase as well. It was disgusting, but it was The Perfect Vase, and he needed it no matter what.

Once the fat man had regained his senses, he began crying too too loud. He had lost everything in one swoop of a jew hand.

"I'm not falling for your tricks ever again, Cartman!" the young jew yelled as he ran away, vase in one hand and Chapstick in the other.

Cartman couldn't help but think these events were kinda hot.

**EPILOGUE**

"and that's how we got that Perfect Vase!" said Kyle to his young twin children, Humphrey and Dumphrey.

He smiled at his fat husband, who said, "yUp! I was quite the prankster hahahahhHA!"

Everyone laughed.


End file.
